Seriously….the end?

(repeat note: I don’t think any of my readers is in need of this but just in case of a sudden and inexplicable humour bypass: do not take anything in this or the last instalment of Yoff Tales personally….)

So – after all this relationship mayhem you read about in the last instalment, it is time for some good news.

According to our good L’Observateur Paris reporter Libasse Sarr, the unpleasant scenarios we discussed in the last episode can be avoided. But pay attention! Only in a few specific cases or places. Ready?

1.

This is one you probably know about. Films have been made about this, books have been written too. It’s the favourably advertised “Young migrant man meets older Euro/American woman” scenario. We’ll call this The Gambia Paradigm. In its ideal form, this is a well-understood mutually approved business deal, except that now it does not happen on some golden palm-fringed beach near Banjul but in a bedroom in Bologna or Bradford or Berlin. He gets a bit of his life sorted out; she gets a bit of attention. If the participants are smart (and who says they aren’t?) the whole thing lasts between a couple of weeks and a few months, tops.

2.

Scandinavia! Yes, Libasse Sarr took me by surprise with this glowing reference to that seething hotbed of social-democratic and faintly authoritarian complacency with shrinking populations and (apparently) a serious man-shortage. (Said shortage, of course, being the entirely predictable result of feminism liberating men from the drudgery of marriage.) Now, if Modou decides to land here to unselfishly help out, he must contend with 1) immigration law 2) marriage law 3) Viking women and 4) a growing bunch of populist politicians who prefer their countries small, white and irrelevant. My hat’s off to him and his friends; I couldn’t hack it in a similarly hostile environment. Sarr dutifully reports that – bar a few notable exceptions – African women won’t go to these freezing hellholes if you paid them.

3.

Not without risks but enjoyable, especially if you like roller-coasters. First requirement is easy: leave Europe and get over here. Involvement with someone from these shores is an almost certainty. Chances you will be used as an ATM are considerable but if you’re only moderately smart, like me, you can weed out the gold-diggers of either sex. I can also guarantee you that, on and off the romantic scene, you WILL fall for the one scam you never expected and there always is one. Damage limitation, though, is almost always up to you.

And here comes the best bit (cue violins). There is a good chance you will hit the real jackpot: (cue more violins…) a loving and mutually fulfilling relationship (cue army of violins). Stranger things have happened.

But, and this is for the fellows, keep this is mind if you know what’s good for you: remember the memo. She is the Boss. Even when there isn’t a law in place that Says So. Trust me on this.

 

2 Responses to “Seriously….the end?”

  1. Ruben Says:

    Dude, you should go look around for a publisher! Blogs like these (non-fiction Africa chick-lits) are awesome!

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